One-hundred-eighty-one

Dear you,

I've been twenty one for a hundred and eighty one days, and I think I like the sound of that number

One-hundred-eighty-one

I bought alcohol for the first time a couple weeks back in Colorado and it felt like I was buying meth in an alley, what has this place done to me

One-hundred-eighty-one

I think I managed to gain ten pounds, so that's confusing. Earlier this week I finally met with a nutritional therapist and she told me she thinks I have an eating disorder, and honestly, thank god. I know that probably sounds weird but I'm mostly just relieved (still scared I'm making it up tho)

One-hundred-eighty-one

Twenty one years and you'd think spring wouldn't catch me off guard anymore, but here we are,

I'm ready to feel better, I'm always ready to feel better, I wanna feel better, I will feel better, it will not last, this is a cycle, this is a cycle, it will not last, we will not last, this is a cycle

Today I was riding down a hill on my longboard, gliding really, going who knows how fast, and I almost forgot where I was

Is this real?

One-hundred-eighty-one

Time has been having trouble keeping track of me lately, and I it

I want to get out of here
But where even is here?

One-hundred-eighty-one

I'm ready to feel better, I'm always ready to feel better, I wanna feel better, I will feel better, it will not last, this is a cycle, this is a cycle, it will not last, we will not last, this is a cycle