Saturday, August 5, 2017

Convenient Circumstance

I went back to the blogs today, 
the old ones

It made me feel things I had forgotten
It made me remember why I started writing in the first place

It broke my heart all over again.

Sometimes I miss being anonymous
Sometimes I miss being sad

I know none of this is rational
just like I know all of this is unsolvable,

But I'm scared I'm forgetting you.

A friend of mine asked if I would add them to Paris Underground the other day
and I spent 10 minutes trying to explain that no one uses it anymore,
(I'm fine with that)

But they insisted,
that's okay I guess

I don't think I'm the person I set out to be, (she's not real, but I'm close)
but are any of us, really?

Strangers call me 'miss'
Everyone calls me Sol (except my family)
I'm so much happier now

I've come all this way, faced my demons and grown, only to ask myself:

'Now what?'

Looking back, I still feel for the all the bloggers I've never met in person, and the ones I have
We all feel so alike here

(I'm disappointing in the flesh, amiright)

To think, after reading and commenting for years,
we still treat each other like strangers in the street,
I'm not saying that it's anyone's fault

I miss all of this,
it scares me how much I've already forgotten.

We're all victims of circumstance, but we're also victims of convenience.

Don't forget that.

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