Friday, February 10, 2017

February 10th, 2017

Today is February 10th 2017, 

and it feels like the whole world is on fire

I can hear the crackles and pops of it everywhere I go- at the movie theatre, on Twitter, and let's not even talk about TV. Every time my parents mention anything in politics I stare at my phone and pretend I'm not listening; I think we both know it's an act. But we both know a lot of things are an act.

And it's not just the world that's on fire. I'm on fire. I first noticed a lock of singed hair a month ago, and honestly, I should've expected it.

One hundred and two days ago I took two tiny green pills and I've been doing it every day since. The pharmacist gave me a weird look when I picked up an estradiol prescription, and I caught one of my friends glancing at my chest last week, but I still haven't friended anyone on Facebook in two years because I can't figure out if I should make a new account or let my relatives find out via my profile picture. (I mean, come on. Who's gonna be surprised at this point?)

Anyway, everything is on fire.

At first it scared me, and while parts of it still do, I've come to realize that I'm growing up in a truly historical time. And hell, as a storyteller, that's gold. Maybe that's why every moment of my life feels like a memory and why I've been taking more videos lately.

Last week I went to my first party with alcohol and while I didn't drink any (except for that accidental sip- thanks Kylie), by the end of the night I managed to forget what was on TV, what was on Twitter, how much ice is left in the Antarctic and what name I'd be welcomed by when I got home.

At this point I don't even know if I'm fanning the flame or dousing it, and I'm not sure which one is better anyway.

I'm finally changing, and don't worry, you get used to the constant smell of burning hair. I'm starting to see and hear myself without cringing and I'm starting to believe everything might be alright. Not perfect, but alright.

And somehow, that might be enough.


  1. Two things:

    a) This version of Times are a Changin' sucks and you can blame copyright for that

    b) Halfway intro writing this I remembered that We Didn't Start the Fire is a song that exists so originality is still a lie

  2. at this point i don't even know if i'm fanning the flame or dousing it, & i'm not sure which one is better anyway

    i love that

  3. hey buddy,
    it's been a while.
    i hope things are going okay:)
    congrats on elegy;) - sending good vibes your way


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