Sunday, June 26, 2016

I wrote this on an airplane




Dear you,

This isn’t directed at:
The guy next to me on this airplane,
The republican party of kentucky (that was an awkward encounter),
The afro lady on the tarmac in detroit,
The lady I called to get directions to the convention center (I don’t know your name),
Whoever owns the crummy hotel I was at for a week that had goop dripping down the elevator walls (on second thought, maybe this is directed at you, but certainly not at the smiling 50 something woman behind the bar downstairs that also sells delicious pizza, albeit with too much marinara sauce),
This isn’t directed at the drunk guy outside said bar either,
Or the kid with a thick alabaman that wanted one of my friends to fake-die on camera for their video, which evidently did in fact happen after he complimented her eyes,
Or even any of the kids who came to kentucky with me (I’m lying. This is for a few of you.),
but really..

This is for all of you, 
Especially for the ones who are on airplanes and don’t know what state they’re above, not just literally.

Please put your carry-on items under the seat in front of you. Yes, like that. Please remain buckled at all times when the fasten seatbelt sign is on, please note that oxygen is flowing, even if the bag doesn’t inflate. Please note smoking, including the use of e-cigarettes, is not permitted on any Delta flights.


Just open your eyes

In the event of an emergency landing, you’ll see lights guiding you to the nearest exit. (Remember, it might be behind you.)

While unlikely, in the event of a water landing, your heart can be used as a flotation device. If it does not have an pull tab, it will inflate automatically after coming in contact with water…

Look, I only pay attention during take off and landing. The rest of the time both me and the plane are on autopilot. And you know what I just realized?

Planes are scary.

They’re noisy and they shake and you’re pushed into your seat during take off and thrown forward when you land, the sound of reverse thrust shaking the cabin violently.

But I’m not scared of planes. They’re mundane now. It’s weird what can become mundane.

It’s been 30 days since graduation, 29 days since I started at my job again. I’m not scared of salt lake parking garages anymore or the guy at the front who says they only take cash. I say okay, I give them the cash, and I forget the whole thing like my breakfast. It’s mundane now.

Sorry, I had headphones on. Yes, a coke please, in the can. Thank you.

Look, I don’t know when we land. I’m sorry. All I know is that when I leave the plane all I’m gonna hear is,

have a good day, 
thanks for flying with us, 
have a good day, 
see you, 
you’re welcome, 
have a good day, 
have a good day…


  1. Love it.

    Especially the part about the heart and the floating and the water.

    And knowing which state you're above.

  2. love love love this
    the heart being used as a flotation device just
    also the descriptions of the people

  3. planes are mundane.
    this post isn't.

  4. We met today and you're really cool and I'm sorry I didn't comment on more of your posts, but I'm really bad about commenting.
    I've read a lot of them.

    P.S. If you liked Blind Pilot you should look into The Avett Brothers if you haven't heard of them already. (I totally accidentally said one of their song titles was by Blind Pilot when it isn't and that was embarrassing.) Anyway.


Thanks for commenting! *Awkward high five*