Monday, February 1, 2016

Dear friend,


Dear friend,

I'm writing you because I need to try this again. This is my 86th post, but it feels like my first time and I still don't know if I'm doing this right. 

My name is Solstice Everston and I'm just another girl.

When I was a kid, I had this toy fire truck that squirted water and drove around. The number on it was 28. I remember the day my house burned down and the not-so-toy fire trucks that showed up. The first one to arrive was number 28. 
I still think about that sometimes.

Back when we used to have name tags on our desks at school, mine had numbers in columns on it and I used to tap my fingers on them and pretend they were piano keys because it made the girl next to me laugh. 10 years later and she's popular and pretty and I wonder if she remembers too. 
I still think about that sometimes.

I tore the monopoly money in half in 4th grade because I knew I could't keep it but I didn't want the boy to have it either. He laughed at me and said I was crazy. 
I still think about that sometimes.

I couldn't wear gloves when I made my paper mache monster in 6th grade because I'm allergic to latex. When a boy asked and I told him that, he looked at me and said 'lucky'. 
I still think about that sometimes.

My grandpa showed me his police car and flashed the lights and said we should visit more often and that he loved me. He was so sweet. I remember when I saw his Facebook posts about the LGBT people and I got really confused how he could be so different. 
I still think about that sometimes.

I accidentally saved someone's life in 8th grade. I heard him on the phone with her and I told my parents and my parents told the police and the police stopped the girl before she did it. 
I still think about that sometimes.

I wrote love letters to another girl in 9th grade. She said the doctor thought she might have depression and I didn't really know what that meant so I gave her a hug instead of asking.
I still think about that sometimes.

In 10th grade the girl from the phone call said I was beautiful that she believed me and then later said I wasn't really real and then stopped talking to me. 
I still think about that sometimes. 

Last month the girl from the love letters started talking to me again. She said "I feel like I always knew". 
I still think about that sometimes.

These coming moments are my final vignettes of high school. I'm scared I did it wrong but I'm starting to suspect that's the point. Regardless, I know I'm going to miss these days.

I still think about that sometimes.

27 comments:

  1. I formally apologize to anyone who bothered to get to the end of the record because I scratched Asleep while making the video and this is worse than the time my dog died

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    1. that is sad

      my condolences to you sol

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    2. Just listened to the entire video during my prep. Thank you.

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  3. Still trying to comprehend how incredible this is

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  4. In 8th and 9th and 10th and 11th grade I had a crush on a boy who didn't exist. Or at least, he was a mask for someone so much deeper. Someone that I never really got to know.

    I still think about that sometimes.

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  5. This is REMARKABLE and I love it more than I love french toast sticks

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  6. Favorite re-intro. Solstice, you always have the most beautiful ideas

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  7. someone commented "hmm" on one of my posts and I don't know if it was good or bad. I still think about that sometimes.

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  8. My daughter used to not exist and it's crazy that I didn't realize how much I was missing in my life. I still think about that sometimes.

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  9. Wow. This is the type of writing that's really reacting to the world, to life. I love that.

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  10. I got a 2.7 GPA in high school am I hated it hated it hated it. I still think about that sometimes.

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  11. I always hoped that one day my friends would "kidnap" me on my birthday and take me to some tacky breakfast place in the middle of the night. now i'm 18 and it's never happened. i still think about that sometimes

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  12. this was beautiful, sol. I love getting to know you through your words. I'll summon the courage to say hi to you in the hall next time I see you.

    I visited my great grandpa at his nursing home on christmas day; he gave me a handshake instead of a hug. I still think about that sometimes.

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  13. One time my brother got mad at me for calling him a name. So he threw both his shoes at me. One shoe almost hit my head but broke the blinds instead. The other shoe hit my leg and gave me a bruise. My parents didn't think much of it. I cried for an hour straight after... and I still think about that sometimes.

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  14. I think that all of your posts should make Top 5. That was incredible.

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  15. When i was little, my dad was going to the store and I asked him to get me a coloring book. I said "get a care bear coloring book. If they don't have that, get me a My Little Pony coloring book. If they don't have that, get me a princess coloring book." And he came back with all 3.
    I still think about that sometimes.

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    1. I'm sitting in A4 right now, so I'm not crying, but I'm thinking about my daughter and I'm thinking about how we're all getting older and I'm thinking about the necklace I bought her last week and how it broke and I'm thinking about how I don't want to buy her love but I think sometimes that's how you do it because buying something for someone you love is sometimes how you tell them you love them. I still think about all this sometimes.

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    2. I'm sitting in my room right now, so I'm crying.

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  16. One time my best friend ignored me for 10 months and then pretended like it never happened. We're not close friends anymore.
    I still think about that sometimes.

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  17. One time on the way to preschool all the boys were making fun of my backpack and the mom was wearing headphones so she couldn't hear and I wanted to cry but I didn't. I still think about that sometimes.

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  18. The last time she smiled at me was in the hospital, I still think about that sometimes

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  19. I've been trying to write an "i still think about that sometimes" comment for 15 minutes, but all the ones i come up with are too sad and none of them are funny, so i just wanted to say that I really liked reading your post.

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Thanks for commenting! *Awkward high five*