Monday, September 14, 2015

Department of Youth and Adolescence - Claim #1536

Dear  Ms. Everston,

I regret to inform you that your application for a valid childhood has been denied, and reported as stolen by Department of Youth and Adolescence.

After a thourough investigation, it was determined that ages 0-16 of your childhood were not sufficient to meet the required authenticity guidelines. As a licenced Youth Analyst I am now required to inform you of your losses.
  • It is estimated that your cherished memories of infancy operate at 10%-20% percent of their optimal capacity.
  • You never danced in public.
  • You lost your PCC (Prearranged childhood companion) at the age of 6 when your house burned down and you moved away.
  • You missed approximately ~15.3 sleepovers due to extenuating circumstances.
  • You never learned how to draw without a tracing table.
  • You did not fulfill your preassigned roll in society.
Because of these reasons (and more), your childhood is now invalidated and unrecoverable. 

Please note that one week from the time of writing, your case will be closed and transferred to the Department of Adulthood.

You have been notified.

Laura Marsh
Youth Analyst
Department of Youth and Adolescence

***
Dear Department of Youth and Adolescence,

Screw you.

I'm making up for lost time.

Yours,

Solstice Everston

10 comments:

  1. holy. freaking. crap.

    if this blog post was a person i would have taken it to sadies.

    i absolutely loved it. the overall idea, the creativity, and mostly your response.

    amazingly well written.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I just, I can't... Agh this is soooo good!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Replies
    1. one more creative just for good measure

      Delete
  4. THIS SOUNDS LIKE MY LIFE GOOD GOLLY I NEED TO GO IVE GOT LOST TIME TO MAKE UP

    ReplyDelete
  5. I actually look forward to reading your blog posts

    ReplyDelete
  6. This rocked my socks. Like holy wow. Creative beyond words.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for commenting! *Awkward high five*