Tuesday, March 3, 2015

I don't know what it is

I don't know what it is.

I don't know what it is about the champagne colored light and the blue-Gatorade glow of the radio that somehow says "You're going to miss this", but I've never loved hell more. 

I want you to know that I'm going to miss you. 

I'm going to miss you like a teenager misses her iPhone when she can't feel it in her back pocket. Like missing the sun because the darkness is emptier than space itself. 

I was always afraid of the dark.

I don't think it's the physicality of it as much as it's the concept. We all sleep with our backs to the wall with our eyes on the door. Waiting.

And, honestly, we don't know what we're waiting for. That's what scares us. 

I'd like to think I'm waiting for you. 

And it's worse than waiting for the elevator while the building burns down. I'm pretty sure the thing is still working and I know they say not to use it during a fire but the stairwell is filled with smoke and I only ever made it to the eleventh floor anyway. 

I keep taking one step forward and two steps back because at least it feels like I'm going somewhere. In all reality, I've been in the same room for a while now. There's that water cooler in the corner and a long table in the middle. I don't sit there anymore. 

Listen. The air is filled with smoke and I can't see ten feet in front of me but listen.

I'll hold the elevator door for you.

4 comments:

  1. "I keep taking one step forward and two steps back because at least it feels like I'm going somewhere."

    *snaps*

    ReplyDelete
  2. "I'm pretty sure the thing is still working and I know they say not to use it during a fire but the stairwell is filled with smoke and I only ever made it to the eleventh floor anyway."
    applaud this! i loved this line it was the best visually to think about

    ReplyDelete
  3. Whoa. Yes.

    "And it's worse than waiting for the elevator while the building burns down."

    ReplyDelete

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