Monday, December 8, 2014

Dear Equinox

Dear Equinox,

I don't know what I'm writing. I don't know who I am. I don't know what I need. I don't know how to get to the airport from here and I don't know why you'd want to go there. But of course, like all souls,

I know what I want. I can only hope it’s what I need.

That’s the only thing any of us know in life. What we want. When our wants conflict, one of us shatters. And yet for some reason we try again and again expecting a different result.

And I have a fact for you: that’s the definition of insanity. That’s what we are.

I need to get from point A to B without a map, and I'm running out of scotch tape along the way. When I told you I thought high school relationships were stupid, I lied. When I told you why I don’t go to dances.

You couldn't handle the truth. I wanted to hold us together.

All the scotch tape in the world couldn't do it though. Not forever, anyway. Is it shameful to lie because I love you? Because I don't want to lose his soul or her soul or your soul? Is it such a crime to love? To never give up?

That’s the problem, isn't it?

I can’t give up. 

Not on any of you. No matter how much it hurts, I'll keep holding on. I’ll keep waiting outside your door until I don’t have the strength to make it home. Until I lose you and myself.

I’m sorry if I'm selfish. I’m sorry if I expect too much. I’m sorry if I look at the stars in your eyes and say “I want them all.” It’s not that I need or expect them, it’s the intention I long for. Not the result.

I keep trying to change myself for you and in extension for me. I want you to know:

Let the lights go out.
Let the rain pour down.
Let the famish set in.
Let the bicycle rust.
Let the glass shatter.

I’m still here.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thanks for commenting! *Awkward high five*