Saturday, March 1, 2014

Slightly Less Anonymous

Right. Nelson recently separated the creative writing classes and the "Other Writers". It's alright I guess, nothing to get upset about.

At least now I have an excuse to forget the writing prompt.

In the spirit of becoming slightly less anonymous, I'm writing about my day this time. Not some overly philosophical meaning behind the smell of raspberries like normal. You get the idea.

When I sit in the car today, I stare out the window. At all the different people, at all the life rushing by me in a flash of colors. I'm not really sure if I want that life. If I want any life. As I watch, I think. Thinking about my blog and how I secretly want comments even though this thing is supposed to be for me and not them, thinking about how I'm legitimately depressed, thinking about how my best friend is leaving me, thinking about how my elder grandmother is dying alone in a closed room when all I really want is to be there for somebody, thinking about how my life has been screwed up ever since ninth grade, getting all nostalgic, then getting depressed again.

I keep forgetting about me in the midst of myself.

When I get to school, I talk to my friends. They're so oblivious, and that's what makes them great. They never really catch on to my problems. I talk to the girl next to me in my math class. If only she saw how lucky she was. I go through the motions. I participate in the stupidity of life.

In Biology, I'm a professional day dreamer. Who needs a window to day dream, anyway? That night on the way home in the car, I don't look out the window. I look at the window, at all the blurred lights in my eyes. Life is blurred to me.

When I get home, I sit in the bottom of the shower, staring at my hair as water runs down it. All too often, I wish I could cry. A release of some sort. When I'm here, I can pretend I'm crying. When I sleep, I pray to an illogical God that I'll wake up changed, or cured.

I'm only any good at writing when I'm sad, anyway.

Love, 

Solstice Everston

2 comments:

  1. OH this. I loved this writing, and that last paragraph! Gave me the good kind of chills with this post

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for commenting! *Awkward high five*